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How to Talk to Your Kids about Drugs and Alcohol

By talking to your children about drugs and alcohol, you can help them make better choices and live safer, healthier lives.

Starting the conversation with your children and keeping communication open is never easy -- but it's also not as difficult as you may think. Whether you're having trouble finding the time or finding the right words, www.timetotalk.org can provide the support and resources you need when it's time to talk to your children about drugs and alcohol.

Source

Below are portions of Time to Talk’s Parent Talk Kit. Download this helpful reference now.

How to Say It
Conversations are one of the most powerful tools parents can use to connect with — and protect— their children. But when tackling some of life’s tougher topics, especially those about drugs and alcohol, just figuring out what to say can be a challenge. The following scripts will help you get conversations going with your child—and keep them going throughout his or her life.

PRESCHOOL

Scenario: Giving your child a daily vitamin.
What to Say: Vitamins help your body grow. You need to take them every day so that you’ll grow up big and strong like Mommy and Daddy—but you should only take what I give you. Too many vitamins can hurt your body and make you sick.

Scenario: Your kids are curious about medicine bottles around the house.
What to Say: You should only take medicines that have your name on them or that your doctor has chosen just for you. If you take medicine that belongs to somebody else, it could be dangerous and make you sick.

Scenario: Your child sees an adult smoking and, since you’ve talked about the dangers of smoking, is confused. (Parenting expert Jen Singer says the same script applies to grade-schoolers.)
What to Say: Grown-ups can make their own decisions and sometimes those decisions aren’t the best for their bodies. Sometimes, when someone starts smoking, his or her body feels like it has to have cigarettes—even though it’s not healthy. And that makes it harder for him or her to quit.

GRADE SCHOOL

Scenario: Your child tells you he was offered prescription drugs by a classmate — but said no.
What to Say: After praising your child for making a good choice and for telling you about it, let him know that in the future, he can always blame you to get out of a bad situation. Say, “If you’re ever offered drugs at school, tell that person, ‘My mother would kill me if I took that and then she wouldn’t let me play baseball.’”

Scenario: Your grade-schooler comes home reeking of cigarette smoke.
What to Say: I know you’re curious and you wanted to see what smoking was like, but as you can see, it’s pretty disgusting and it probably made you cough and gag a lot. Your clothes and your breath and your hair all stink. Is that how you want to be known? As the kid who stinks?

Scenario: Your child has expressed curiosity about the pills she sees you take every day — and the other bottles in the medicine cabinet.
What to Say: Just because it’s in a family’s medicine cabinet doesn’t mean that it is safe for you to take. Even if your friends say it’s OK, say, “No, my parents won’t let me take something that doesn’t have my name on the bottle.”

Scenario: One in five teens in America has tried huffing—inhaling the fumes from everyday items like nail polish remover, hair spray, and cooking spray. It’s probably been a while since you’ve talked to your child about the dangers of the products under the kitchen sink—but it’s important to reiterate the warning.
What to Say: I know it’s been a while since I talked to you about the dangers of cleaning products and that they should only be used for cleaning. But I’ve heard that some kids are using them to get high. I just want to let you know that even if your friends say, “Hey, we can buy this stuff at the supermarket so it’s totally OK to sniff it,” it’s not. Inhaling fumes from cleaners or products like cooking spray and nail polish remover is as dangerous as doing all the drugs we’ve talked about, like marijuana.
Now, let’s talk about ways you can get out of the situation if that happens. What do you think you should say? Remember, you can always blame me and say, “My mom would kill me if I tried that!”

MIDDLE SCHOOL

Scenario: Your child is just starting middle school and you know that eventually, he will be offered drugs and alcohol.
What to Say: There are a lot of changes ahead of you in middle school. I know we talked about drinking and drugs when you were younger, but now is when they’re probably going to be an issue. I’m guessing you’ll at least hear about kids who are experimenting, if not find yourself someplace where kids are doing stuff that is risky. I just want you to remember that I’m here for you and the best thing you can do is just talk to me about the stuff you hear or see. Don’t think there’s anything I can’t handle or that you can’t talk about with me, OK?

Scenario: You find out that kids are selling prescription drugs at your child’s school. Your child hasn’t mentioned it and you want to get the conversation about it started.
What to Say: Hey, you probably know that parents talk to each other and find things out about what’s going on at school… I heard there are kids selling pills – prescriptions that either they are taking or someone in their family takes. Have you heard about kids doing this?

Scenario: Your child’s favorite celebrity — the one he or she really looks up to—has been named in a drug scandal.
What to Say: I think it must be really difficult to live a celebrity life and stay away from that stuff. Being in the public eye puts a ton of pressure on people, and many turn to drugs because they think drugs will relieve that stress. But a lot of famous people manage to stay clean – like [name others who don’t do drugs] – and hopefully this incident is going to help [name of celebrity] straighten out his life. Of course, people make mistakes – the real measure of a person is how accountable he is when he messes up. It will be interesting to see how he turns out, won’t it?
The thing is, when a person uses drugs and alcohol — especially a kid because he's still growing — it changes how his brain works and makes him do really stupid things. Most people who use drugs and alcohol need a lot of help to get better. I hope [name] has a good doctor and friends and family members to help him/her.

HIGH SCHOOL

Scenario: Your teen is starting high school — and you want to remind him that he doesn’t have to give in to peer pressure to drink or use drugs.
What to Say: You must be so excited about starting high school… it’s going to be a ton of fun, and we want you to have a great time. But we also know there’s going to be some pressure to start drinking, smoking pot or taking other drugs. A lot of people feel like this is just what high school kids do. But not all high school kids drink! Many don’t, which means it won’t make you weird to choose not to drink, either. You can still have a lot of fun if you don’t drink.
You’ll have a lot of decisions to make about what you want to do in high school and you might even make some mistakes. Just know that you can talk to us about anything – even if you DO make a mistake. We won’t freak out. We want you to count on us to help you make smart decisions and stay safe, OK?

Scenario: Every time you ask your teen how his day was, you get a mumbled, “Whatever, it was OK,” in return.
What to Say: Skip asking general questions like “How’s school?” every day. Instead, ask more specific questions on topics that interest both you and your teen (“Tell me about the pep rally yesterday.” “Are there a lot of cliques in your school?” “Fill me in on your Chemistry lab test.”) You can also use humor and even some gentle sarcasm to get the conversation flowing. Try, “Oh, what a joy it is to live with a brooding teenager!” to make your child laugh and start opening up a bit.

Scenario: Your high-schooler comes home smelling of alcohol or cigarette smoke for the first time.
What to Say: “The response should be measured, quiet and serious--not yelling, shouting or overly emotional,” says parenting expert Marybeth Hicks. “Your child should realize that this isn’t just a frustrating moment like when he doesn’t do a chore you asked for; it’s very big, very important, and very serious.”
Say, “I’m really upset that you’re smoking/drinking. I need to get a handle on how often this has been happening and what your experiences have been so far. I get that you’re worried about being in trouble, but the worst part of that moment is over – I know that you’re experimenting. The best thing you can do now is really be straight with me, so for starters, tell me about what happened tonight…”

Scenario: Your teen has started to hang out with kids you don’t know — and dropped his or her old friends.
What to Say: It seems like you are hanging with a different crowd than you have in the past. Is something up with your usual friends? Is there a problem with [old friends’ names] or are you just branching out and meeting some new kids? Tell me about your new friends. What are they like? What do they like to do? What do you like about them?

Answering the Question: “Did You Do Drugs?”

The issue isn’t about your past. It’s about your children’s future. What’s important now is that your kids understand that you don’t want them to use drugs.

For many parents, a child’s “Did you ever use drugs?” question is a tough one to answer. Unless the answer is no, most parents stutter and stammer through a response and leave their kids feeling like they haven’t learned anything—or, even worse, that their parents are hypocrites.

Yes, it’s difficult to know what to say. You want your kids to follow your rules and you don’t want them to hold your history up as an example to follow—or as a tool to use against you. But the conversation doesn’t have to be awkward, and you can use it to your advantage by turning it into a teachable moment.

Some parents who have used drugs in the past choose to lie about it—but they risk losing their credibility if their kids ever discover the truth. Many experts recommend that you give an honest answer—but you don’t have to tell your kids every detail.

As with conversations about sex, some details should remain private. Avoid giving your child more information than he or she asked for. And ask him or her a lot of questions to make sure you understand exactly why she’s asking about your drug history. Limit your response to that exchange of information.

The discussion provides a great opportunity to speak openly about what tempted you to do drugs, why drugs are dangerous and why you want your kids to avoid making the same mistakes you made.

The following are good examples of the tone you can take and wording you can use:

• "I took drugs because some of my friends used them, and I thought I needed to do the same in order to fit in. In those days, people didn’t know as much as they do now about all the bad things that can happen when you take drugs."
• “Everyone makes mistakes and trying drugs was one of my biggest mistakes ever. I’ll do anything to help you avoid making the same stupid decision that I made when I was your age.”
• “I started drinking when I was young and, as you can see, it’s been a battle ever since. Because of my drinking, I missed a big part of growing up, and every day I have to fight with myself so it doesn’t make me miss out on even more — my job, my relationships, and most importantly, my time with you. I love you too much to watch you make the same mistakes I’ve made.”